Workaholics Piss and S**t episode: There is a better way guys!

Posted on January 22, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
Workaholics Piss and S**t Episode pass a drug test

Pass your drug test without trading ninja stars for weewee and hang on to some iota of dignity.

The premiere episode of Workaholics immediately illustrates that the name of this show is an ironic misnomer to say the least. That is to say, unless you are willing to work like a field hand or longshoreman to find clean urine with which to pass a drug test after partying yourself to the brink of near death the previous evening.

But what I absolutely friggin’ adore about this episode is not how hilarious the lengths these guys go to for urine to sub with to pass a drug test–it’s the fact that what they’re doing is seriously not all that far fetched. Offering a middle schooler firecrackers and porn for clean pee? Trust me guys, I’ve heard true to life stories at least this nuts as a drug forum moderator. People begging their kids for pee before the go off to elementary school in the morning, one guy even asked a neighbor for urine… in a neighborhood he had lived in for three days. Someone else (these are true stories, not snippets of Workaholics) tried to “scoop some pee out before the toilet flushed all the way” when his pregnant girlfriend walked away from the can. You can’t make this kind of crap up. Truth is stranger than fiction when it comes to people trying to figure out how to pass a drug test.

Poor souls, my God, settle down. Second-party clean pee is not the only way, or even the easiest way to pass a drug test. My Lord, before you go trying to scare up urine around town, just get a cleanser. It’s really funny to watch these people struggle on TV, but in real life, it’s downright humiliating… well, kinda funny for onlookers, but seriously, order a permanent cleanser to pass a piss test if you have about five days or so until your test, and get a same day detoxer if your drug test is sooner.

Make sure you get a detox drink or cleansing tablets from a reliable source that doesn’t use masking agents in their products–labs nowadays are testing for these in addition to testing for drugs.

Stop bartering nudey pics for peepee and get in touch with PassADrugTest.com you silly stoners!

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Celebrity Secret to Passing a Drug Test

Posted on January 16, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
celebrity secrets to passing a drug test

The secret is... Winning!

Many people are under the impression that celebrities have some hidden secret when it comes to passing a drug test. The truth of the matter is that everyone–including YOU–has the same access to drug passing methods that all celebrities have.

OMG, what could it be? HOW? It’s not as complicated as you think. What you need is a same day cleanser or permanent detox solution that removes the drug toxins from your digestive tract and urinart tract for a period of time in order for you to pass your drug test.

A same day cleanser will literally do this in a matter of about an hour or so, while a permanent detox solution might take about three to five days or so.

Essentially, what these detoxers do (most especially the same day cleanser that works in just one hour) is keep toxins that are in your fat stores and blood stream from entering your excretory system–and by so doing, make it possible for you to pass a drug test!

Did you really think Charlie Sheen had tiger blood, or that Snoop Dogg had really given up chronic? Think again. They got their cake, and now they are eating it–in front of you, the media, and the world.

So if you want some cake, make sure you’re prepared to pass a drug test. You have both immediate and long term options available, you just have to know how to get them.

And a word to the wise: same day cleansers can’t work the same day if you don’t have them–so if you are in a position where random drug testing can occur, I “highly” recommend keeping some same day detox caps on hand.

Now you know, so you can’t say you had no way to prepare for a drug test. The celebrity secret to passing a drug test is being prepared to pass one!

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What the heck is a Detox Store?

Posted on January 10, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
detox stores

This ain't you--and you need to detox differently.

You all asked, so you shall receive! Many of you have been asking me what a detox store is. Well, there are lots of answers to that question. There are stores you can walk into to buy detox products, but these are mainly head shops where masking agents are sold, or places where jocks go to buy the latest and greatest way to conceal their steroid use.

If you’re looking for a real detox store, you need to be looking online, especially if you are looking for a weed detox or a way to pass a drug test that will work for everyday people, not Manny Pacquiao.

A lot of people who come to me are just trying to pass simple pre-employment drug tests and the occasional random drug test from their employer. They don’t need super powers to do this, but what they do need are proper drug test facts and know-how, followed by the proper product to cleanse if they need it.

You have to be careful with online detox stores too–a lot of these guys are pushing products that mask THC or other toxins, and nowadays, lots of labs are testing for masking agents. So you have to make damn sure that the product you are buying doesn’t contain masking agents–you have to be sure that what it does is to keep toxins out of your urine for the duration of the time you have to pass your drug test.

Most of us know when our drug test will be, so if you’re prepared ahead of time, you can take the right detox product and pass your drug test with no issues–it’s how celebrities pass drug tests all the time. But even if you have a random drug test sprung on you last minute, there are ways to pass FAST–but you need to have your emergency same day cleanser on hand to do this, so I suggest if you are a regular smoker to invest in this now before you regret not making a paycheck later.

Beyond that, I think having to know how to pass a drug test at all is not cool. I mean, if you work hard at your job, or if you’re looking for a job and have a good resume, and no track record of being a crappy employee, why should you have to jump through these hoops? But alas, that’s a huge question we’ll have to tackle across several other posts.

Good luck to all you test takers out there, and as always, I love hearing your feedback!

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Celebs Now Smoking “Spice” to Pass a Drug Test

Posted on January 3, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
buy wicked spice

Rihanna buying Spice in LA

Well I figured something like this was coming down the pike, and you all know how much we look to hiphop artists and other famous musicians to take our cues from… okay, well that was a little tongue in cheek, but the kids around the world sure do. So now that passing a drug test has become a chore that could keep a celeb in or out of jail, cancel a recording contract, or have other devastating ramifications, many of them have turned to smoking what is being referred to as “spice.” My oh my, this is a problem.

Some of the celebs in question who have admitted to smoking spice, like Miley Cyrus, and others who are rumored to be smoking spice like Kid Cudi, Rihanna, Lil Wayne, and Kristen Stewart, are doing so for fun–the kind of fun that goes undetected in a typical drug test.

So why is this a problem? It’s called a name as general as “spice” for a reason–one never knows what it could actually contain, how it is treated, manicured, preserved, etc., and frankly, there’s no way to know the source of the spice in question. What one rap star gets at a head shop in Los Angeles isn’t going to be the same spice another celebrity gets in Manhattan, and so on. This is not yet a classified narcotic, and therefor you could LITERALLY be smoking anything.

Some news reports indicate that some vendors of spice, especially those overseas, have had their products lab tested by investigators to find a number of extremely harmful chemicals in them. Everything from formaldehyde to bleach, ammonia, and more.

To me, this is sending a dangerous message to our youngsters–can’t pass a drug test for marijuana? No problem, just smoke some of this totally random herb and you’ll pass your test. But the subtext is, what’s it doing to your organs, your brain, and so on–is it a depressant, a stimulant, something else? Who knows?!

One thing is for sure, it isn’t homegrown weed. And while marijuana doesn’t currently enjoy legality in most instances, when it comes from a dispensary or other safe place, it’s certainly safer on the human body that what’s behind door number two.

Don’t let the powers that be scare you into smoking or otherwise consuming something that could be permanently detrimental to your health. Do what’s best and be prepared to pass a drug test at all times. It’s cheaper, easier, smarter, and your body will thank you for not ingesting poisons. That’s my two cents!

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Life & Times of Tim Drug Test Episode

Posted on December 26, 2011 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
pass a random drug test with a same day cleanser

Tim, The Boss, and the guys humbled by their random drug test

The animated HBO hit “The Life and Times of Tim” has gone largely unnoticed by many, but those who like this show love it, and I am one of them. So when I saw the episode where The Boss takes the guys who work for him out on the town, smokes pot with them, and then tries to get them all out of having to take a drug test the very next day, I was in hog heaven.

What makes this episode so classic is that it shows stuff that actually happens in workplaces where cubicles and worthless meetings abound. Office chairs and the smell of Subway sandwiches wafting through the air, the Swingline stapler that everyone steals from one another, and yes, the secret love of pot and the secret fear of ever having to pass a random drug test.

It’s part of our culture, but it’s one of those things–if you can’t laugh at it, you’ll never survive it. Like Tim, many of us have or have had a guy like The Boss in our lives–he wants to be “one of the regular folks” but winds up sticking out like a sore thumb because, quite simply, he’s the boss and no one else is on his level, so they’re in constant fear they could do or say something wrong (“I distinctly heard niggity!”)

The random drug test Maureen administers the morning after is a classic case of office irony–you rarely indulge, the one time you do it’s because of coercion from coworkers and your boss, and then bam, drug test! It’s funny because it’s true! Watch this show, and always pass a drug test by having a same day cleanser on hand. Tim agrees–it’s better than losing your job even if your boss makes you skat.

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Michael Buble Smokes Pot?

Posted on December 18, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 1 Comment
Michael Buble smokes pot?

The sky's the limit.

This just in: loads of totally normal and successful people smoke weed. But while you let that news sink in, let’s discuss the holiday season. Michael Buble is said to be the Sinatra of his generation, Canada’s version of old blue eyes, and has been singlehandedly said to be responsible for bringing crooning back en mode.

But there’s an underbelly to the world of crooners. Sinatra and Dean Martin especially loved their booze, and it was no secret. Womanizing wasn’t yet passe, and having people of different racial backgrounds sitting and eating and drinking and singing and swinging at the same table was sexy and a big gamble, even in 1960s Vegas.

So how do you top that some 60 years later? You get discovered and signed by Reprise, cut a few albums, toss in some Christmas tunes, win a grammy or two, and of course most notably, smoke marijuana. Why is that more notable than a grammy? Because in 2011 (nearly 2012) smoking weed is still–yes STILL–taboo.

Finding out that Michael Buble smokes weed, to those who listen to his music, is like hearing your grandma just died. So why is it “American” to toss back scotch while you watch the kids hang mistletoe and criminal to burn one down after they go to bed? I don’t know–ask Michael Buble–he cut a Christmas album that sold to every man, woman, and child on the planet.

But when Michael Buble says, “Come Fly with Me,” he means it literally. Could he pass a drug test? Probably, because guys like that are always prepared to keep their stellar image intact. And good for him.

So, someone call MythBusters–you can smoke pot and be a huge success, be on top of your game, handle business, and even have all the ladies after you. What makes someone a deadbeat is how they behave, not what they ingest. Both are a choice and sometimes they coincide. So until the world wises up, passing a drug test might be in the cards for Michael Buble and the rest of us. C’est la vie!

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Daily Show takes Florida Gov. Rick Scott to task… hilarious and eye-opening

Posted on December 12, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 3 Comments

Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi took Florida Governor Rick Scott to task by asking him for a urine sample at a press conference recently. The ever-forward Mandvi disrupted the proceedings quite vociferously… asking the Gov if he wouldn’t mind taking a urine test, just you know, to make sure he can pass a drug test the same way he expects everyone who needs state assistance to do. The hilarious part, beyond Mandvi’s relentless execution, is that the joke about drug testing for welfare has so far found that less than two percent of those tested for the Florida welfare program have tested positive for ANY drug at all.

According to IBT, “The state is required to reimburse Florida residents for the cost of the $30 drug tests. Since only about 2 percent of welfare recipients have failed drug tests, the Tampa Tribune reports the state will owe between $28,800 to $43,200 in reimbursements per month, assuming 1,000 to 1,500 applicants are tested. Over a 12-month period, the state will only save $60,000, at most, on rejected welfare applicants, a puny savings for a program that state analysts have predicted will cost $178 million this fiscal year.”

Yeah, this sounds like a really worthwhile pursuit. Whether Rick can pass a drug test or not is kind of beside the point. The point is that he was just made a laughing stock on national TV for all the right reasons. Drug testing people for something they have a legal right to as citizens is unconstitutional. If you don’t agree, you’re arguing with facts, not my opinion.

Let me here from you–what do you think about Aasif Mandvi’s actions at the press conference with Rick Scott?

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Pass a Hair Drug Test :: Bob Marley would have had his work cut out for him

Posted on December 6, 2011 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment

pass hair drug testFor Bob Marley to pass a hair drug test, let’s be honest, the guy would had to have worn one of those dreadlocks wigs you see popping up around Halloween and at bachelor parties. Here’s a guy who ended warring factions with his music, but he could not have passed a drug test if his life depended on it.

So what does that say about the very nature of drug testing in the first place? Well, Bob Marley may have been nearly a prophet and a talented musician, but you probably wouldn’t want him as your secretary–which is why secretaries have to take drug tests (I guess?) But then, I’m also guessing that most people applying for secretary positions do not smoke marijuana in the epic proportions Bob Marley did.

But if said secretary did enjoy the occasional smoke, s/he could still do a great job if she had to pass a hair drug test if she prepared the right way. And if said secretarial applicant was smart, she’d be using Two Steps A’Head to pass a drug test. It’s fast, easy, and way less complicated than all those things you read on the Internet about peroxide this, dye that, shake three times, add this, bleach that, and so on. The mere instructions of a DIY attempt at passing a hair drug test are enough to make you wanna… well, we’ll leave it at that for now.

Bob Marley never had to pass a hair drug test to my knowledge, but you may have to. Unless you’re already at rockstar status. In which case, rock on.

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Newt Gingrich believes you should be murdered for having 2 ounces of weed on you

Posted on December 1, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 6 Comments
Newt Gingrich smokes pot

I smoked pot. Then I became a politician and decided having it should be punishable by death. :)

Yep, I said that right. Newt Gingrich tried to pass a bill in 1996 that would seek the death penalty for a person who is caught with two ounces of marijuana on them. The bill, called “Drug Importer Death Penalty Act of 1996″ is an oldie but a goodie; vintage Newt.

My favorite part is that it’s common knowledge among pundits and those in the loop that Gingrich smoked weed, at least at one point in his life. He conveniently excuses this stating that you know, that’s just how the country was at that time, you know, and stuff. Bro, that’s just how things have been in this country since then as well–that is to say, people still enjoy smoking marijuana… Newt just quit because he started a political career and we know those two things mix as well as he and Mitt at a cocktail party.

Americans are looking to Newt now as the Republican front runner, which is scary enough. The fact that he would actually even conceive of putting someone to death for having pot is just old fashioned crazy. Crazy like internment camps and gas chambers. And it’s mean. Mean like leaving your wife when you find out she has cancer.

So is Newt just inherently evil? Or does he just need to take a giant bong rip? I feel pretty sure we’d all have liked the stoner Newt from the 1960s more than the Freddie Mac lobbyist Newt Gingrich of today. You know you’ve got some self-flagellating to do when Jack Abramoff says you’re bad news. I mean, really.

So is the death penalty for marijuana something we can look forward to if Newt wins the general election in 2012? Maybe, maybe not. But we can certainly expect that it will mean he’ll put the kibosh on any ideas about responsible marijuana legislation and taxation, which is what this country needs not just to fight crime, but to keep our borders safe, stop illegal drug trade, buy American instead of illegally smuggled, and stop contributing to the arms trade to Mexico’s drug cartels.

Newt seems to be talking his way through lots of brick walls in order to get to the Oval Office–explaining failed marriages, now drug use, secret lobbying, and yes, even making that commercial with Nancy Pelosi!

Well, if things don’t work out don’t worry Newt–you can always spark one up and  order a pizza from Herman Cain when you get the munchies. I’m sure Rick Perry will join you too–he can’t even remember what he’s campaigning for or against or where he is 50% of the time.

And like the rest of the country, you too will be able to say “What a long, strange trip it’s been” come November 2012. Until then, try not to kill anyone.

Do YOU think Newt Gingrich could pass a drug test? Tell me what you think!

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Miley Cyrus and the Stoner Stereotype

Posted on November 27, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 2 Comments
pass a drug test

Workin' hard, not hardly working.

Miley Cyrus is nearing twenty years of age, and the days of denying her use of marijuana are far behind her… all the way back in 2010. But while Cyrus did make a comment about her Bob Marley birthday cake being a sure sign that her friends think she smokes too much weed, there is something to be said for this pot-smoking dynamo.

Miley’s good friend Kelly Osborne stated, “if Miley isn’t recording/filming/touring, she works every day. How could she possibly do all that if she was a stoner?” Could this comment be a contradictory statement that kills the “stoner” stereotype? We know for a fact that Miley no longer denies usng marijuana, and we know for a fact that she is a hard worker, pumping out movies, songs, clothing lines, and much more.

Could it be that someone who smokes marijuana isn’t a lazy do-nothing? Of course. It may not be the best choice for everyone, but for those who use marijuana responsibly, it’s really no different than responsibly drinking wine or having a few cocktails.

The issue for those of us who are not entertainment moguls is that most of us have to pass a drug test for employment, regardless of whether we’re working at a coffee shop, for the military, if we’re teamsters or even hair dressers.

While it may no longer be the big bad wolf the way it was during the days of filmstrips about the dangers of marijuana cigarettes, smoking pot is still an outlaw affair if you want to keep your job.

But with every popularly perceived evil, there is an antidote. And that’s why if you want to maintain your liberties and freedoms, you’ll also need to make sure you can pass a drug test… because liberty and justice don’t pay the bills.

To quote Miley, “There’s always gonna be another mountain,” we agree. But if you like “The Climb,” then you better be prepared for the urine drug test you’ll have to take afterwards.

Freedom isn’t free, but it’s definitely for sale.

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